Oh, remember that my life is a breath!

My eye will never again see good.

The eye of him who sees me will see me no more;

While your eyes are upon me, I shall no longer be.

As the cloud disappears and vanishes away,

So he who goes down to the grave does not come up.

He shall never return to his house,

Nor shall his place know him anymore.

                     – Job 7:7-10

They say you can never get used to it. No matter how many deaths you encounter, it always seems like each one is shockingly new.

On the 2^nd of February 2024 I was up early morning around 2 a.m. This was not unusual for me, not just because I was pregnant and insomnia kicked in but because I would normally wake up around such times to pray. The only odd thing about that particular early morning was that I just woke up and sat down in silence. I didn’t know why I was up but I remember my husband asking if I was okay.

And so, I went back to bed and just after an hour or so of sleep I get a call to say our brother was involved in an accident and it doesn’t look good. After that call, I wept. I felt like I knew the outcome already but I was still pleading with God to save him, wherever he was and whatever his condition was.

When I finally got the call to confirm his death. I didn’t cry much. I just sat in awe. It was as if there was this big pause- an empty space in time. I forgot about going work and just sat there. I didn’t think to call anyone. I guess I was “processing”.

I remember I had already planned to spend the weekend at my parents that weekend….

Now this is me recalling all the details pertaining to the death. I guess that’s what we all do as humans. We trace every step back to see if there were specific signs, if we could have done something and perhaps in some way what we can lookout for future deaths. I say that last part very lightly but I believe that’s what most or us try to imagine.

The bottom line with death is that the person is NO MORE.

No more will you see them

No more will you touch them

No more will you hear their voice

No more will you send them anything

Strangely, because the person is no more, it’s as if you see them everywhere. Not in the literal sense but everything reminds you of them. I remember anytime I would want to send someone something on whatsApp my brother would be the immediate option, so his picture would always pop up. This went on for several months.

The passage from Job reminds us of just how fickle life really is. Our lives are really just breaths- as continuous as they may seem, once they stop, they stop. The reality of No more is simply that you will never see this person again.

In my next post I will be talking about what people say after someone dies.

Choose wisdom

-Natu