It seems like just yesterday when we got married, yet some parts feel like moons away. Due to covid-19, our wedding was not your typical walk down the aisle type. I still remember the pastor sanitizing us and our rings before we could put them on lol. There was no “you may kiss the bride”. The whole thing was just masky (yes, this is not a real word). Imagine being commanded to keep a distance from your new spouse- horrific but we managed to laugh it off. This is surely a tale we shall tell our descendants. Our focus was on the bigger picture- marriage.

I was never the girl who had a “dream wedding” planned out in her head. I was mostly trying to figure out if I wanted to get married and WHY I should get married. By the grace of God, He impressed upon my heart the desire to get married after finding out exactly what the reasons for marriage and the importance of it are.

Getting to know that marriage is God’s invention made it more appealing for me. This is mainly because I come from a society where there is so much negativity towards marriage – the institution yet, there is so much praise towards weddings – the celebrations.

All you hear is “ondjokana odhigu” (marriage is difficult). They end there without even telling you how you can make it easy. Growing up, I just never heard people talking about the goodness of marriage. By observation, people that had bad experiences of marriage were much louder than those that had positive ones. I used to wonder, if marriage is so difficult they why are you asking me when I am getting married? Do you want me to suffer?

Anyways, I thank God that I got to learn about the beauty of marriage before I got married. Not just the butterflies and rainbows but the deeper things. Indeed, marriage is a wonderful thing!

Here are some tips on how to prepare for a great marriage (disclaimer- this is not a comprehensive list)

1.  PRAY, PRAY, PRAY

From the plates and spoons you will use on the wedding day, to the transport, my friend, pray! Everything matters. My husband and I had a list of prayer points we focused on and we got to see God answer those prayer points. We also had people that loved us pray for us. Pray before the wedding, pray during the wedding and pray throughout the marriage. It is especially for the reason that Satan hates marriage that we ought to pray. He will try anything to stop it from happening or break it apart.

 

2.  SEEK MENTORSHIP

It amazes me that many are willing to study several years for a qualification but struggle to make time to prepare for marriage. Marriage is a territory that you have never been in before. No one is born knowing what marriage is or what the roles of a husband and wife are in marriage. Counselling allows you to learn so much and this is the time you can decide to back out if you wish. If done correctly, you will be able to iron out any wrinkles that may be obstacles in your marriage. Learn from successful and failed marriages. Get the right perspectives from each.

 

3.  THE WEDDING CEREMONY IS NOT MARRIAGE

It is a shame that most focus on the event which is 1 or 2 days, rather than the actual marriage which is for a lifetime. So much emphasis on the dresses, food and drinks when you have not even established how many kids you want to have or if you want any at all. A posh, trending wedding does not automatically equate to a successful or happy marriage. When you get the difference, you will be able to shift your focus on what truly matters the most. Hint: it is not the wedding.

 

4.  MARRIAGE IS NOT A REWARD

A wise woman (Mildred Okonkwo) once said that “Marriage is not a reward, it is an assignment”. Let that sink in. You getting married does not mean that you are better than anyone. It also doesn’t mean that you have now arrived in the zone of being showered with flowers and chocolates everyday (ladies) or living the luxury of having someone cook, clean and serve you all the other needs (gents). Marriage is about dying to self on a daily basis. Find out what your specific assignment is in marriage and get at it. Prepare for it before jumping the broom.

 

5.  THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

WHO you choose to marry is the most important thing for marriage. This one thing majorly predicts the outcome of marriage. So, before going in, ask yourself: are your values aligning? If the person you’re with never changes for the rest of their lives, will I be okay with it. Do I like this person? Not love, but like. Imagine living with a person whose company you do not enjoy, for the rest of your life. You can prevent this from happening. Prepare!        

 

To conclude, marriage is made up of two imperfect people and hence it can never be perfect. However, it is still possible to enjoy a great marriage. The main ingredient to hold any marriage despite any circumstance remains JESUS the rock of ages.    

 

Stay Wise.

 

-Natu