‘Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us’. This is our daily prayer but, the latter is not always our greatest desire.

As human beings, we are wired with a justice system in our core. This means expecting retribution for every offence, an eye for an eye. When someone has wronged us, most of us want them to experience the same hurt they made us feel. In our books this is fairness.

What happened on the cross is the reason why we must forgive. God demonstrates just how much He loves us by giving up His only Son to die in our place for the forgiveness of our sins (John 3:16). He did this even before we came to know Him, before we knew we needed forgiveness (Romans 5:10).

For some, the events of the cross are also a stumbling block because it simply doesn’t make sense to the human nature and reasoning. Just how is it that ALL sins can be washed away by the death of one person without our physical involvement? We therefore also struggle to accept the forgiveness of God being a FREE gift (Ephesians 2:8-9). We want to somehow work for it just as in the same way we want those who have sinned against us to work for our forgiveness.

Just like we can never DESERVE God’s forgiveness, those that we may have to forgive may not deserve our forgiveness either. This means you may have to forgive someone who is openly unapologetic for their wrong doing or someone who has never come up to you to apologise for the wrong they’ve done to you. The cross has made forgiveness a must (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13). The common notion that forgiveness is more for you than the other person is true. The burden of unforgiveness is just too weighty to carry. You forgiving others is a pre-requisite to having your own sins forgiven (Matthew 6:14-15)

The picture of a heart that has forgiven looks something like this: you no longer have the desire to get even with the perpetrator, you do not bad mouth them, you stop reliving the offense, you do not wish harm upon the culprit etc. All these do not mean you force yourself into being okay and pretending that you are not hurt by chanting ‘’I have forgiven them’’. You must acknowledge the hurt/pain and see to it that you do not bury feelings that need to be addressed.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you dismiss the hurt or damage done. It also doesn’t mean that you stay in a relationship with the offender. This is where you apply wisdom and stay if repentance occurs and keep a distance if there’s no repentance.

For those that are like me that may find it hard to forgive, look to Christ. The same Spirit that raised him from the dead can give you the ability to forgive.

You’re one step away from healing. Be wise and forgive.